On the Eve of Your First Birthday...

...I reflect.

This past year has been incredible. Incredibly hard and incredibly fulfilling. Incredibly crazy and incredibly complete. Our family was just not complete without you; we always knew you'd fill that void perfectly. We knew your name years before you were conceived. 

Photo by Erin Tietz at Sixthirteen Photography

Adding you to the family had its challenges. But boy, does it have its perks. You give the best hugs and the juiciest kisses and the worst diapers. You love your puppies and you're obsessed with balls (no, thankfully not THAT kind yet) and you are so photogenic it hurts. 

You're starting to get so curious, and the noise you make when you're full of so much joy you can't help but screech makes me giddy. It fills me up in a way I can't describe.

Yes, your first year has been a good one and no, I don't feel like it's gone too fast. It has felt long to be honest, but then I look at your sister and remember that just 2 years ago she was getting ready to have her first birthday and then bam....it puts it all in perspective again. Someday, things are going to be so different.

Someday every last leg roll will be gone and those cheeks won't be so smushy anymore.

Someday you won't whine until I pick you up and hold you while you point to every object in the room you want me to take you to.

Someday throwing the puppies their toys and chasing them around won't bring the biggest smile to your face and you won't think it's hilarious to attempt to bark like them. And someday you won't feel the need to play in their dirty dog bowls and eat their food.

Someday bath time won't be one of your favorites and you'll take showers on your own instead of baths with your sister while you drink cups full of dirty bath water no matter how many times I tell you no.

Someday you're not gonna need my hand to walk, and someday you won't want to hold my hand at all.

Someday I won't be the only woman you love and I might hate your girlfriend. 

Someday your girlfriend is going to break your heart, your feelings will be hurt, and I'm not going to be able to do anything about it except cry along with you. 

Someday I won't be here to enjoy these moments with you. I hope that someday is like, 70 years from now. 

But someday, very soon, you'll be able to understand when I tell you just how much I love you, and you'll be able to tell me just how much you love me back. I cannot wait for that day. But tonight, I'll just think about how 365 days ago, I was doing hand stands off of my couch to avoid a c-section and praying that you would be healthy, that you'd go easy on me during labor, and I'll remember just how thankful I am for you. I love you so much Brooks Michael Wagner.